Listen, he doesn't know what a podcast his, but for his very first podcast episode, Ron Burgundy pretty much nailed it. "The Ron Burgundy Podcast" has officially arrived, kicking off with its inaugural episode and it's everything you've ever wanted from San Diego's top-rated newsman. We're all in a glass case of emotion.
Episode One of "The Ron Burgundy Podcast" talks about one of the most popular genres of podcasts: True Crime. But, before he dives in to discussing cases like The Zodiac Killer, Burgundy unknowingly gives fans a little ASMR while he eats an apple and sips some coffee without realizing the mic was on. Then, after introducing his co-host, writer and producer Carolina Barlow, he jumps into a movie review of A Star Is Born .
According to Burgundy, he's a fan of the movie because "someone finally told [his] story." He said, "I've never spoken to Bradley Cooper but he obviously knows who I am. I used to hide my singing voice just like Goo Goo Gaga [ Lady Gaga ]. But now I'm more brazen than ever. There aren't enough stories out there about straight, white, red-blooded males and when I saw that my story was finally being told, I tell ya, I was shaking in my boots. That being said, I did leave as soon as I finished my popcorn, got some more and then drove home. So, I didn't quite finish seeing the movie." Also, after calling Lady Gaga ("Goo Goo Gaga" as he refers to her) a "real talent," he pondered where her stage name comes from. But, that's for another episode.
Then, it was time to talk True Crime and started with a murder involving a woman killing her husband by stabbing him to death. Burgundy said, "After her arrest, they interrogated her for a cool 20 minutes. In the interrogation room, McKenzie confessed that proceeding a jealous row, she did indeed kill him. The jury sentenced her to 20 to life, and that was that. So we got one down."
Murder case two was surrounding one Fred Oxhorn, a local bartender who gruesomely killed his victims in the Sierra Nevada mountains. It turns out, Burgundy and Oxhorn are old pals. "By the stars of CGI, it's Fred. Oh, Fred. I know Fred. I love Fred," Ron recalled. "He was one of my favorite bartenders in Pasadena. He bartended at the 35er. He's great. What a great guy." Then, declaring that there's no way Oxhorn could be a murderer, he asked Caroina to remind him to give the now inmate a call to "set up a lunch date" and go "hiking in the Anza-Borrego desert."
If you were unfamiliar with either murders, Burgundy moved on to one that is very famous: The Zodiac Killer. He then believed he discovered the Zodiac Killer's true identity, based on an internet rumor. He explained, "Interesting background for the Zodiac Killer, he was raised in Houston, Texas and he actually attended Princeton and then Harvard Law. Pretty impressive," Ron explained. "He worked in the White House for George W. Bush, was instrumental in the 2000 Florida Presidential recount and is now working as a Senator in Texas. Born Raphael Edward Cruz, he changed his name to appear more American and is now called Ted Cruz. And he's doing quite well for himself. His wife just revealed that they cannot afford a second home, but to suffer is to be human. So that just goes to show, it doesn't matter how many people you kill in San Francisco, you'll be just fine."
What's a podcast without a guest, right? The guest on Ron Burgundy's True Crime-themed episode was esteemed forensic psychologist Dr. Scott Musgrove. After learning what a forensic psychologist actually does — and unfortunately for Ron, it's not operating on bunions — Burgundy called for a game of F, Marry, Kill with serial killers Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy and Richard Ramirez ... and according to Ron, there is a right answer. While Dr. Musgrove declined to play, he asked Carolina, who based her answers on looks alone. She said, "Based on their looks only and acknowledging that it's terrible what these guys did. I'll say, kill Richard Ramirez, marry Ted Bundy, F Jeffery Dahmer."
Burgundy's reaction? "I can't even look at you right now. Disgusting, you are disgusting. Scott, I apologize." He added, "Carolina, this might be the lowest moment on the show for you, for all of us."
After the episode was "cast upon the rocks," Ron tried to "get this ship back into deep water," and asked Dr. Musgrove about the defining traits of a psychopath. Musgrove described, "It's a term that gets a lot of ... there's a crossover with another term called a 'sociopath.' The way we look at it in the big book of diagnosis, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual , those two things would fall under what we would call anti-social personality disorder and it's a constellation of behaviors and thought patterns in an individual that really show a callous disregard and lack of empathy for other human beings. And, these individuals may involve themselves in criminal activities. There's actually a frightening high level of [them] in the community, in the general population of anti-social personality disorder individuals, but some of them are quite successful. Fortune 500 companies actually look for many of the qualities of anti-social people to put into very high positions. 'Cause they will take chances making decisions that you or I wouldn't want to take risks making."
This brought up a "hypothetical situation" in which someone is late for work twice in a row and then "someone else takes their mug of coffee and when you turn around after apologizing, throws it at the back of your head, scalding your skin so you have to wear a weave and a wig for six months at your sister's wedding and you're a bridesmaid." Burgundy added, "It's an absolute hypothetical [situation] ... and it was a one time thing."
Apparently, according to Dr. Musgrove, "there are people who have extremely impulsive personalities and maybe a lack of ability to regulate their internal experience of emotions," but they're not necessarily a psychopath. Carolina suggested that "maybe they just have to say I'm sorry sometimes" and Ron added, "Sometimes maybe they will."
Other situations Ron asked Dr. Musgrove about in regards to whether or not someone is a psychopath is dropping a watermelon on your producer's car "just for fun" and not calculated.
And in case you were wondering, Burgundy and ex-wife Veronica Corningstone are still not together, as Ron mentioned a woman he went on a few dates with named Melinda. However, Melinda dumped him with a drawing of a middle finger. Ron wants her arrested. He explained. "I picked her up at, gosh, 8:00 o'clock, 'cause she said she had to work late and it was our anniversary. We'd been going out two weeks. And, so it was gonna be a special night. And, so I go to her apartment and there's just a note on the door and there weren't any words, it was just a drawing of a middle finger. It says, 'That's for you, Ron.'" He added, "I'd like to file charges."
Elsewhere in the podcast, Burgundy learns the correct pronunciation of the word "meme" (which he pronounces meh-meh) and reveals that he hasn't seen a doctor in 46 years. FYI, his health routine is as follows: "Waking up at 6:30 AM every morning, drinking two raw eggs, gargling with about two fingers of scotch and hitting the heavy bag."
Listen to the first episode of "The Ron Burgundy Podcast" above and catch a new episode every week only on iHeartRadio . Stay classy.